Five Minutes of Fame

Feb 22, 2007 | 5:44 PM PST
Tags: fame, man candy, television, dating, game, five minutes, show
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 Ten Things I Learned From My Five Minutes of Fame

 A decade and a half ago- and this may be as good as it gets for me, folks, so don’t laugh- I had five minutes of fame. Yes, I was Bachelor # 2 on The All-New Dating Game! (My episode went out sometime in May of '89). I didn’t end up with the bachelorette, who chose the male model instead. (Typical!) But I did learn 10 valuable things about going on American TV. Just in case anyone's wondering...

 

(1) Networking Gets You The Breaks

A lass I knew at college failed to get on, but suggested I give it a go, which I did, and surprisingly enough made it through. They recruit for these shows in the colleges. Friends refer friends.

 

(2) It’s A Small Industry

Bachelor # 1 turned out to be my next door neighbour from USC's Fraternity Row (I was a Kappa Alpha, he was, I think, a Sigma Kappa.) He was majoring in English. Guess they thought he would be witty. Which he was… till the cameras rolled.

 

(3) Looks Do Count

Not long before we went on, a lady (the floor manager, I think) frowned and asked him: "Did you pass a camera test?" It clearly bothered her he wasn't that good-looking, as if something had gone wrong.

  

(4) They Won't Let You Look Stupid

A writer had written our personal intros (“I like long walks on the beach and blah blah blah”) the previous week- and we were not permitted to depart from the text she wrote. I think this was so that the host could prepare some good "improvised" jokes. We were given the questions the Bachelorette would be asking 5 minutes before we went on, so we had time to think of something halfway intelligent to say. Later, they edited our lamest round of answers, which was merciful, especially for the Sigma Kappa dude, who turned into a blithering idiot under the lights. I on the other hand was brilliant (at least in my own mind) but I don’t think the bachelorette caught more than three words.

 

(5) It’s Over Very Quickly

You've got lights in your face, so you can't see the audience. You know what the bachelorette’s asking, but can’t really hear her, since she’s on the other side of a bloody great wall. It’s a little bit like being underwater: the only clear thing is your own voice. Then just when you sense those invisible people are beginning to laugh at your jokes, boom- it’s over. That’s all folks. You’re off.

 

(6) When They Show You The Door, They Really Show You The Door

After a shake of the hand from the host (Geoffrey Something-or-other) and a round of applause from the studio audience, we bachelor rejects were led off the set and told "Go down that hallway and through the last door." We did so. It slammed shut behind us, and there we were standing in a dirty Los Angeles alley next to an overfilled dumpster. From heroes to zeroes in 60 seconds flat! The Sigma Kappa dude, whose sense of humour had returned, quipped: "Boy, when they show you the door, they really show you the door!" It’s a good metaphor for the whole business actually. 

 

(7) They Really Do Send You The Prizes.

Three weeks later, a year's supply of Tootsie Rolls arrived, along with 12 square feet of vinyl floor covering, and a carton of Miss Lee Press-On Nails. (The Tootsie Rolls were eaten in a week. Still got the vinyl. Um… does anyone want the nails?)

 

(8) You Do Get Recognised.

During a Cannonball Run crossing of America (5 days flat- the best experience of my life), my best friend's brother's girlfriend in Kansas City (got all that?) turned out to have actually caught the show. And she was google-eyed about me. I was that guy she'd seen on TV! Oh, how her eyes sparkled. Which was eerie (if very nice) since I had never met her before. Wish I could remember her name: my first and only groupie.  

 

(9) Jealousy Lurks In Unexpected Places

Many months later, my roommate- an actor- informed me he'd taken a call from some other game show, who'd asked me to go and audition for them.

“When did they call?" I asked. 

“Last year, just after you did the Dating Game," he answered.

“Heck, I would have loved to do it! Why didn't you mention this till now?”

He said "I didn't think you'd think it was important."

Did he still have the number?

No, he'd lost it.

What was the name of the show?

He couldn't remember.

I found this very weird, but later worked it out. I think it bugged him I was getting called, not him, so he just buried it. Actors- even friends- can be jealous creatures. Anyway, his fault or not, it was the end of my game show career.

 

(10) It’s Just A Bit Of Fun

Pretension and angst screws you up in this game, as it did Mr. Sigma Kappa. Just have fun, lighten up, and the TV machine will take care of the rest. After all, as a sign in the studio said: 

"Remember it’s not brain surgery. It’s only television."  

 

Member Comments: 28

 

Delete Californiayanqui visit blog


Feb 22, 2007 | 6:19 PM PST

That's hilarious... I tried out for the same show. I went with some friends and we sat there and went through the process of getting asked questions like we were on the show.

They had 12 of us sitting there in groups of three and a girl behind a partion. I was nervous and thought I was hip wearing my black leather boots and grey miami vice suit with the cowboy bollo tie. :)

She introduced herself as Kitten and the producer told us to say hello to Kitten.

I (corny as all get out) say "Meooooooooooow Kitten"

Then my question came. "If your were a robot what kind of robot would you be?" My mind went blank. Needless to say I didn't get on the show, but at the Halloween party they threw for all the entries, I won second pize for best costume. I wore a gas mask and chemical suit with a mushroom cloud on the back crossed out. It was hot and hard to dance in.

Last edited by Californiayanqui on February 22nd at 6:31 PM.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Feb 22, 2007 | 6:24 PM PST

That's right! "if you were a blahblahblah, what kind would you be?" It's all coming back to me now. I guess, in L.A, trying out for these game shows is almost a rite of passage.

Thanks for reading my blog, by the way, Californiayanqui. Will respond to your comment on the other thread now, then go check out your film. Isn't this networking system amazing?

Last edited by videowilliams on February 22nd at 6:30 PM.

Delete Californiayanqui visit blog


Feb 22, 2007 | 6:33 PM PST

This is the best networking I've seen.

Tim

Delete JessicaMarie visit blog


Feb 23, 2007 | 4:30 AM PST

V-Dubs, this blog is brilliant!!

You need to copy and paste this in a new thread. Same heading.

It's written very, very well. I love that you put some effort into it...and good foresight on that second tag. Very, very shrewd. I applaud you.

You are my favorite Wallaby. Hands down.

You rock!! Missed you tonight...you were my late night date.


Keep up the good work!!

JessicaMarie.


PS...you guys are so right...I'm in awe of the site. I love it.

Last edited by JessicaMarie on February 23rd at 4:31 AM.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Feb 23, 2007 | 4:52 AM PST

Sorry I missed you, Jess. I 'd better send an email. We've managed to spread one conversation over 20 different blogs, and I'm getting lost!

Last edited by videowilliams on February 23rd at 6:13 AM.

Delete Dronez visit blog


Feb 23, 2007 | 5:16 PM PST

Interesting post.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Feb 23, 2007 | 5:38 PM PST

Thanks for taking the time to read it, Dronez. I'll come over to your blog and return the favour.

Last edited by videowilliams on February 23rd at 5:40 PM.

 

Delete reincarnut visit blog


Feb 26, 2007 | 8:33 AM PST

now THAT's what i call a real blog post! hmmm... (takes down notes)

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Feb 26, 2007 | 11:13 AM PST

Thanks, reincarnut. When you take 8 hours writing something, you hope people will notice! This one really made me bleed.

Last edited by videowilliams on February 26th at 11:18 AM.

Delete thecatbywas visit blog


Mar 11, 2007 | 11:31 PM PST

Holy crap…when did you post these…they were totally under my radar…you are my new favorite male version of Claudia and Jessica…

And, for what it’s wroth, I didn’t really mean you were pretty…

I mean, you may be…I’m just not judging.

I mean, I judge, but…

You know…I digress.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 6:38 AM PST

This is me getting flashes from Deliverance...

"You got a real purdy mouth... now bend over and squeal like a pig."

...Drop the pretty sh#t, will ya?

Delete DawnAkemi visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 9:51 AM PST

I came looking for your new blog and found this instead!

I have to say, the bachelorette blew it!.....she got a vacuous model type instead of a funny, terrific guy....her loss!

Maybe I'll get the last word here....

:-D

Last edited by DawnAkemi on April 2nd at 9:52 AM.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 2:36 PM PST

Oh, Dawn, you say the sweetest things. If you're not careful, I'll begin to melt again...

My eyes did snap open this morning with the thought that I'd promised a new blog for you and me to do that-thing-we-do on. And I'm writing one, believe me. God, it's painful! I Am Writer, Hear Me Scream... Time just seems to get away.

In fact, I'd like to be delivered late to my own funeral: nothing could be more appropriate. Apparently having a unique sense of time (i.e. none whatsoever) is characteristic of everyone born in the Year Of The Goat. I know you read tarot cards, Alchemy Girl. Does your witchcraft extend to the Chinese Astrology too?

Last edited by videowilliams on April 2nd at 2:37 PM.

Delete DawnAkemi visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 4:40 PM PST

Puleeeze do not put any pressure on yourself because of a promise to me. There are no deadlines here, only fun exploratory creativity.

Though now that you've broken your promise, I suppose my fragile trust, fragile like gossamer wings, delicate like an exotic flower, frail as the softest violin passage, the kind that cause to weep....that trust was broken right along with it.

Now, I was born in the Year of the Tiger....but that's about the extent of my knowlege in Chinese Astrology. I could cast a productivity spell to help your writing along...

Last word!!!!

Last edited by DawnAkemi on April 2nd at 4:43 PM.

 

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 6:10 PM PST

I'm guessing your element is wood...

"The Wood Tiger is always torn between settling down and rampaging about, turning on the seduction machine and handing out free advice to her court of adoring admirers. The Wood Tiger cannot resist even the hint of an opportunity to shine, to woo and to convince others that she is right."

- The New Chinese Astrology by Suzanne White, p113

...I've got your number, babe. Don't think I don't.

Delete DawnAkemi visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 6:30 PM PST

Now isn't that just like a man to think he got someone nailed based upon one simple fact. Turns out you need to go back to that workbook of yours because I am the Water Tiger. And now you made me give away my age.....shame on you. It's a good thing I'm not vain.

What number was that again.....babe?

Oh, and me let guess....you are the Fire Goat (sometimes known as Sheep).

Last edited by DawnAkemi on April 2nd at 6:39 PM.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 6:39 PM PST

Fire Goat. Yes. Very clever.

And I knew you were a Water Tiger really. I just wanted you to admit it. Ha! My ruse worked perfectly!

Delete DawnAkemi visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 6:45 PM PST

What a load of BLEEP!

Delete DawnAkemi visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 6:46 PM PST

How does it feel to be the Great Master Manipulator?

Last edited by DawnAkemi on April 2nd at 6:47 PM.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 6:54 PM PST

Felt terrific till you burst my bleeping bubble.

Delete DawnAkemi visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 7:03 PM PST

Awww! shucks, now I feel bad that I pointed out your manipulation and didn't allow you to gloat, Goat. I'm a mean Water Tiger, bad me.

 

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 7:10 PM PST

"Cultivate the friendship of this Tiger. Enjoy her love and bask in her charming company. Take her up on her proposal to collaborate. But don't try to do her in or she'll make Tiger baby food of you and slurp you up for breakfast."

- p120, The New Chinese Astrology, "The Water Tiger"

...Sounds more like it, doesn't it?

Delete DawnAkemi visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 7:13 PM PST

That's scary....I need you to scan that page and send me the pdf file....lest my faith be tested by your humor.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 7:19 PM PST

I've been trying to blow your mind for about a week now. Glad I finally succeeded. That's a deadly accurate quote.

So like I said, I've got your number... BABE.

Don't think I don't.

Delete DawnAkemi visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 7:22 PM PST

Slurp! Slurp! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!

Last edited by DawnAkemi on April 2nd at 7:23 PM.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 7:24 PM PST

Eat me.

Delete DawnAkemi visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 7:34 PM PST

"Thanks to their sensitive natures, Goats are the most creative and expressive of all the Signs in the Chinese Zodiac."

Last edited by DawnAkemi on April 2nd at 8:06 PM.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Apr 2, 2007 | 8:14 PM PST

Oh oh.

Now you're getting nasty.