RAGE AT THE MACHINE: The Morning After

Mar 10, 2007 | 6:40 AM PST
Tags: Hollywood, geeks, hangover, message boards, blogs, spammer, Capra, film
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Remember when you first got here and everything was turbocharged with the thought “I’m gonna make it on this show?” That special thrill when you discovered you weren’t the only film geek in the world- that there are thousands more just like you- and some of these are even quite attractive people? Felt like Christmas, didn’t it?

   Well, by now the party’s over, most of us have not been chosen, and the hangover’s kicking in. Your masterpiece is buried with the million other rejects, that big-time Hollywood Producer you were chatting with on the boards turned out to be a straight-to-video maker of adult entertainment in the Valley, and that cute flirtatious chick you thought you were doing ever-so-well with just dropped casually “By the way, I’m getting married.” Reality bites. Your head is thumping. Need a bowl to upchuck into? Here, use mine.

 

 We Laughed, We Cried, We Hurled

In the last couple of days, you could see even good people losing it. The barbarians have invaded and the charmers are out of charm. We had started out discussing Godard vs. Truffaut. Now we’re reduced to seeing how many quote boxes we can put inside each other on a Message Board: “She won’t take much more of this, Captain… Stay on target, stay on target… I totally just threw up in my mouth a little…” Call me cynical, but I think the intellectual tone has dropped.

   It’s strange to think of myself as an old hand when I’ve only been here for three weeks, but I find myself saying “It’s not like it was. Who are all these new people?” And I further think it’s really true that  “arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you’re still a retard.”

 

Colour Blindness

The immigration and race debate is getting pretty hot and heavy here in Oz, and I have to say I’m voting to the right. I don’t want Sydney to become another Los Angeles. Yet the best three minds I’ve found at On The Lot belong respectively to a bi-racial girl in Cleveland, an Indian gentleman in Chennai and a black guy in Chicago. (Hi to JessicaMarie, reincarnut and vsinglet.) Bright creative people all, they’re the ones who think like I do. On the Message Boards they’ll often post the very thing I’m just about to say before I say it. It’s uncanny. And it’s forced me to amend some old assumptions. That’s been cool.

 

A Few Bad Apples

Then there’s the other end of the spectrum: all those spammers, cheats and cyberstalkers who really are the lowest form of life. Lowbrow losers who’ve had teams of monkeys working round the clock to push their viewing numbers up, who greet our honest (bad) reviews with abuse and threats, have turned the 5-star rating system into a joke and done their best to chase good people off the site. It makes me smile to think these tossers weren’t called either, and will soon be slithering back down to the p0rn sites where they belong.

 

You Have No Choice

That aside, the dream of making a film for Spielberg seems to be over, at least this year, for basically all of us left chatting on this site. Some of us decided to leave, even announcing it in our blogs. But like the band on the Titanic, we’ve come back to play some more, because what else are we going to do? We’ve got what Capra called the virus for filmmaking that gets into the bloodstream and infects you for life:

“Film is a disease. When it infects your bloodstream it takes over as the number one hormone. It bosses the enzymes, directs the pineal gland, plays Iago to your psyche. As with heroin, the antidote to Film is more Film.”

Or as a friend of mine once more succinctly put it:

“You have no choice.”

I’m off to kill a few small animals with my car, but I look forward to reading your comments when I’m back. Maybe the hangover will have lifted a bit by then.

For now, I’m going to need that bowl.  

Excuse me.

BWLAAAAARGH.

 

Member Comments: 37

 

Delete Ezequiel visit blog


Mar 10, 2007 | 7:44 AM PST

The morning after...sheesh! You're right! I woke up to something I didn't even know I went to bed with to begin with! Nasty hangover! haha

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 10, 2007 | 7:54 AM PST

Hope she wasn't a vampire like the one in your movie, Ezequiel!

Delete Ezequiel visit blog


Mar 10, 2007 | 8:02 AM PST

haha!

I'm sober now! haha

but for reals, what you said is totally true--the site sort of lost its class. It isn't the same at all anymore--it isn't even fun anymore. it sorta became like a cracked out version of myspace!

Last edited by Ezequiel on March 10th at 8:05 AM.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 10, 2007 | 8:08 AM PST

Re the site: glad to hear you agree, man.

"like a cracked out version of myspace"

That's very well put.


Re the dangers of alcohol, clearly you know what it's like...

DIFFICULT WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK

Specificity
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

IMPOSSIBLE WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK

Thanks, but I don't want sex.
No, I don't want another drink.
No kebab for me thank you.
Sorry, but you're not good looking enough for me.
Good evening officer
I'm not Interested in fighting you.
No one wants to hear me sing

Last edited by videowilliams on March 10th at 8:46 AM.

Delete JessicaMarie visit blog


Mar 10, 2007 | 11:11 AM PST

yeah, things sure have changed round here...not even a tiny bit for the better, either.

It's funny that we consider ourselves some of the old folks of the site, though I can't imagine what it must feel like to have been here when the population was only a few hundred....

Yay!! Your film is up!!

And you know I love your mind, too, Mister Dave...even when you are hurling into a bowl.

So are you telling me you used to be somewhat prejudiced before your arrival on the lot?

I find that hard to believe, but even if it's the truth, I'm glad your outlook is changing, and that I helped effect said change.


And don't give up yet...they only did silly ole Canada.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 10, 2007 | 12:29 PM PST

This is going to sound weird, Jess, but I felt you visiting some minutes ago, while I was off on another page. I just knew that I was going to see a comment. Minds in sync... it's really spooky. Let's just drop the internet thing and do it psychically from now on. Who needs the web?

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 10, 2007 | 1:13 PM PST

As for being somewhat prejudiced before, yeah, being a white guy in South Central Los Angeles (at USC) and being hassled for money every single time I went up the street, did darken my feelings on the matter for a while.

But I guess that's kinda like saying "I once lived in West Virginia (Deliverance country)- gee, white people are ugly and dumb." It's not exactly a fair sample you're judging with.

We live and learn.

Delete ManifestDreamer visit blog


Mar 10, 2007 | 8:09 PM PST

Ah yes, The Blue Thump*. That post-Grand Project ennui when you find yourself back at the beginning though more in debt. But you’ve got to admit, the site is still fun and considering it’s the debut for the OTL series there are bound to be bumps while exploring unknown unknowns. In fact, I think the initial lack of a search tool for OTL actually enhanced the community by forcing civil interactions between members in order to track down films whose name had been forgotten.

You could even draw a frontier analogy. First come the adventurers, the artists and those on a mission. Then, as word goes round, come the first genre settlers, the community board pioneers and those with a star rating to trade. Once the main search tool road has been laid come the check-out-this-film spammers but also purveyors of some real quality stuff which now a lot easier to find.

*This term relayed to me via videowilliams who received it turn from his mentor. Also, in the twenty years I’ve known videowilliams, I have never – and I mean never – seen him behave in a racially discriminatory way.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 11, 2007 | 5:40 AM PST

Wow, what a brilliant analogy, dude (I've gone so California in here). That's a blog in its own right!

Yes, we have pioneered the Nation Of OTL. My dark side wonders if there's a War Of Independence in our future... lots of people seem to be raging at being treated as "disposable talent". (I think they need to be reminded we didn't pay to come on this site: Fox owes us nothing.)

Thanks for the character reference too. No, I've never dumped on anyone for their background, that is true. To quote a good old Aussie phrase "We're all mongrels here." In fact, a remarkable number of my close friends over the years have been half-something: half Chinese, half Indian, half Maori, half Jewish (that one figures- I'm one eighth myself). But the ghetto where I lived in college days did leave its mark- I only realised that today.

Isn't this fun?

Last edited by videowilliams on March 12th at 3:28 AM.

Delete JessicaMarie visit blog


Mar 11, 2007 | 5:42 PM PST

MD, please don't think I'm calling Dave a bigot...I was just reacting to his section "Colour Blindness."

He implied he had to amend some old assumptions, based on his interactions with myself, reincarnut, and vsinglet...I never got that vibe from him, so I was glad to hear I was part of the assumption changing posse!!

It's all good....

I can barely stand this place anymore...everyone's all, "F OTL, they've done us wrong, let's start a blog revolution, I'm never making a movie ever again, I hate myself, "Crazy Late" and "Jannie Bananie" broke the rules, blah. blah. blah."


Shut up. You got your movie hosted online. Be happy you got off your azz and did something.

But I digress, to quote Opie...

Delete thecatbywas visit blog


Mar 11, 2007 | 11:22 PM PST

What the…@#$%! You can write? And do it well? Isn’t it enough that you’re pretty???

*sigh* Fine…I’ll read your stuff too…but if anyone asks, I don’t think you are any good at it.

Delete thecatbywas visit blog


Mar 11, 2007 | 11:23 PM PST

Seriously…this was great...

Delete SallySue visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 12:21 AM PST

Videowilliams: this is a wonderfully well-written blog. I love all the subheadings, too. You are very bright.

However, as someone who is 100% Jewish, I have to tell you that the "K" word is very offensive.

It is a bad as the "N" word is for people of colour.

I hope that you'll reconsider using that awful word.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 3:35 AM PST

Oh. Sorry, Michele. I've replaced it with Christ-killer. Hope that works better.

I'M JOKING! I'M JOKING!

How ironic it is that in the area where I'm most relaxed- since I've got soooo many Jewish friends, both in Australia and L.A- that I've actually managed to offend. Thing is, I actually learned that word, along with hundreds of Jewish jokes, from a 100% Jewish friend who uses it regularly against himself and his friends all the time. I figured the rule is if you're Jewish, which I am at least in part, then you can use it on yourself.

I guess this must be a cultural difference between the US and Australia. We abuse each other mercilessly, using words like that and worse, and it is always understood to be in fun. Perhaps the k- word sounds to you the way that "cracker" does to me- I will admit that this one has a nasty ring- so I will take your advice and remove it from this blog.

Whew! Live and learn. Now here's a piece I hope will soothe your shock with laughter...

 

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 3:36 AM PST

AMERICAN ENGLISH

There may be those among you who support including Spanish in our national language. I for one am 110% against this! We must preserve the exclusivity and above all, the purity of the English language.

To all the shlemiels, shlemazels, nebbishes, nudniks, klutzes, putzes, shlubs, shmoes, shmucks, nogoodniks, and momzers that are out there pushing Spanish, I just want to say that I, for one, believe that English and only English deserves linguistic prominence in our American culture.

To tell the truth, it makes me so farklempt, I'm fit to plotz. This whole Spanish schmeer gets me broyges, specially when I hear these erstwhile mavens and luftmenschen kvetching about needing to learn Spanish. What chutzpah!

These shmegeges can tout their shlock about the cultural and linguistic diversity of our country, but I, for one, am not buying their shtick. It's all so much dreck, as far as I'm concerned. I exhort you all to be menshen about this and stand up to their fardrayte arguments and meshugganah, farshtunkene assertions. It wouldn't be kosher to do anything else.

Remember, when all is said and done, we have English and they've got bubkes! The whole mynseh is a pain in my tujes!

Jackie Mason

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 5:19 AM PST

Oh, Jessica. We understand each other completely. Need I say more?

Last edited by videowilliams on March 12th at 5:44 AM.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 5:44 AM PST

cat, i'm flattered. I actually read your entries as Jess quoting you talking to her- her signoff threw me. Then after 20 minutes or so I grocked to the fact you were talking to me and being FUNNY.

I have no idea what the purpose of our interaction is- could we be any further apart in every way?- yet it really is a thrill to get your imprimatur. Thanks. Maybe once On The Lot is playing on-air, this site will be flooded with fans, and us good bloggers will find ourselves being read by millions.

While we're thinking along those lines, I've got some terrific swamp land to sell you up in Queensland, very much like what they're selling down in Florida.

Man, this site is such a trip. Keep blogging, won't you?

Delete cici visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 10:42 AM PST

"Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you’re still a retard.”

That line got a vocal laugh from me...

Good stuff you got here.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 10:48 AM PST

Thanks, cici. There's a line about what the writer does, which involves lifting ideas from everybody else and "putting his slime over it and calling it his own." Like a snake or a spider. That's me.

Delete cici visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 11:42 AM PST

;-D

I forgot to mention...
ManifestDreamer used a frontier analogy that I think works. In fact, I had been thinking of writing a blog comparing this site to Deadwood, one of my favorite shows. The town starts with a few daring prospectors, and some opportunist thugs. As soon as they begin to form a workable community, the town floods with wave after wave of gold-rush dreamers. Let's see....Who would be the Swearingen character? I'm thinkin' CRC and his Red Dog Saloon. His never-to-be-trusted rival from the next saloon?? Ezequiel maybe? or benslappy? The Sheriff, I'm thinkin' could be Pericles with his vicious bite.
I see myself as a cross between Calamity Jane and the dutiful Mrs. Bullock.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 12:32 PM PST

I hope you're closer to Mrs. Bullock than Calamity Jane! Granted, "Deadwood" is a fabulous show. But if you BLEEPed all the expletives, all you'd be left with is Opening Titles - Closing Titles. Good luck trying to run that BLEEP at OTL!

Delete cici visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:02 PM PST

When it comes to the use of BLEEPin' expletives... I'm far closer to Calamity Jane than anything.

I particularly love the word.... BLEEP-BLEEPers.

;-P

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:20 PM PST

I'm guessing she means motherf*ckers.

cici works in washington.

Enough said.

Delete cici visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:27 PM PST

Close! You got the last five letters right.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:30 PM PST

Um... bloodsuckers?

Delete cici visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:37 PM PST

I think you got the idea...

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:39 PM PST

We're a few swear words behind America down here. You're going to have to educate me...

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:41 PM PST

Scumsuckers?

Delete cici visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:43 PM PST

HAHAHAHAAAA!!!

You just wanna hear me say it, don't you??

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:44 PM PST

You bet, you foul-mouthed b!tch.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:47 PM PST

I'm sorry- it's very early here. And I'm a little nuts with lack of sleep.

WHAT'S THE WORD?

Last edited by videowilliams on March 12th at 1:48 PM.

Delete cici visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:53 PM PST

God! You're such a C*CKSUCKER!!!

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 1:55 PM PST

cici, you rock!

And this is what the internet is for, ladies and gentlemen. The exchange of important information around the planet. I've been educated tonight. Thank you for coming.

Last edited by videowilliams on March 12th at 1:59 PM.

Delete cici visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 2:01 PM PST

So glad I could enlighten you.

I consider it my online duty.

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Mar 12, 2007 | 2:16 PM PST

Go to work, cici.

I'm going to bed.

Good night all!

Delete reincarnut visit blog


Apr 7, 2007 | 1:47 AM PST

i see it! i see it now! viva la revolucion!

Delete   Edit videowilliams visit blog


Apr 7, 2007 | 2:29 AM PST

Yes, the Old Guard's gonna take the Kingdom back, comment by comment. We'll bury those barbarous newbies with superior words!

...I note that your words on the Message Boards, rein, keep on matching what I think, time and again. I still find it uncanny.

Last edited by videowilliams on April 7th at 2:39 AM.